Friday, July 29, 2011
I Probably Should Not Talk About This...
So today I was EMBARRASSED and I felt as if I was belittled in front of my peers for no apparent reason! Here's what happened:
So today during an inservice my instructor had given a word and asked us to talk about it at our tables. My table full of new teachers had no idea what the term meant, so I said well... I think maybe it is this... When returning to full group discussions, she asked me to share what I had said in my group. She was standing right by our table listening to us so I thought I was correct and shared my answer with confidence. Little did I know, I was completely confused and was not even in the ball park! In mid speaking, she cut me off and said that I was wrong and then stated what the actual definition was.
I was completely mortified. I felt as if I was back in elementary school and being singled out in front of the entire class for doing something wrong. Here I am in room full of kinder and first teachers (about 50) that I don't yet know and I am being called out for being wrong during a small group discussion.
What really was her purpose of calling me out? Was it because others were saying the wrong thing too, I really don't think so (without getting into the embarrassing details of being wrong - I just don't think this was the case.) She made no constructive point other than the fact that I was mistaken and just proceeded to give the correct answer.
People just looked at me like, OMG... did that lady really just do that to her? I just kept smiling even though I wanted to cry!
Five minutes later she came up to me and apologized that she 'had' to do that. I was again floored that she felt she 'had' to belittle someone to give herself credibility! I have no problem admitting when I am wrong and am not closed off to new ideas by any means, I just don't understand what made that OK?
Generally we as teachers just tend to forget and move forward because we are there for the love of kids and learning. I really fear professional development now and OMG if she were to walk in my room I think I just might just have a panic attack!
Have any of you had anything like this happen before or something where you felt as if you were in a safe environment to take risks and been completely embarrassed? Or any other moments as a teacher you wish you could just erase? I personally have a huge file of stupid things I have done, but this one I felt as if I did not ask for!
I am labeling this my OMG File because I think talking about these things may make people more aware of how the things they do and say effect people. And I have to say... I think that's important in education!
Thanks for reading! Please do share if you feel comfortable to do so. I am sure I am not alone (even though I feel it!)